polikushka

A site of random shit that I'm still not sure what to do with. Includes my own writings and the beginnings of an archive of texts/files I find.

about me

I don't know what to put here.

contact me

You can't, even though you didn't want to.

God gave me all that a man can desire, wealth, name, intellect, noble aspirations. I wanted to enjoy myself, and I trod in the mire all that was best in me. I have done nothing dishonorable, I am not unfortunate, I have not committed any crime; but I have done worse: I have destroyed my feelings, my intellect, my youth. I became entangled in a filthy net, from which I cannot escape, and to which I cannot accustom myself. I feel that I am falling lower and lower every moment, and I cannot stop my fall. And what ruined me? Was there in me some strange passion which I might plead as an excuse? No! [...] I once thought that the nearness of death would rouse my soul. I was mistaken. In a quarter of an hour I shall be no more, yet my view has not in the least changed. I see with the same eyes, I hear with the same ears, I think the same thoughts; there is the same strange incoherence, unsteadiness, and lightness in my thoughts.

Leo Tolstoy, Recollections of a Billiard-marker